Restaurants are overrated

Eating out is overrated. There are too many distractions. Mom and Dad expected me to sit in a tall chair and what, "occupy myself" for 20 minutes while we were waiting on something to eat. That's insane. At home, when it's time to get in my chair the food is delivered one course after another in quick succession. Not only that, but after each course, my tray is cleared (I insist upon this). At the restaurant though, I sat in the chair and every few minutes this guy would come from the kitchen carrying food. Big tease! He kept taking it to other people and I had to sit and watch them eat while I waited. 

Since Mom and Dad didn't bring any games or books for me, they tried to keep me busy playing with napkins and toothpicks. Like, how lame is it to count three toothpicks over and over or blow a piece of napkin across the table? Daddy even folded a napkin and pretended to be kicking footballs. I'm not stupid, you know! It wasn't a real football.

Finally, the guy brings us some food and it was ok, maybe even worth the wait, but for some reason Mom and Dad seemed, I don't know, not very laid-back. I like ketchup. Sometimes I like to splash my hands in the ketchup and take my time licking it and even running my hands through my hair. But NOOOOOOO, not in a restaurant. They kept wiping my hands and face. They wouldn't let me take control of my Apple juice either. They kept holding it and only letting me sip a little bit at a time. Where was my sippy cup? 

Speaking of drinks, they didn't want to share theirs. After a heated conversation on my part, Mom finally did give me a sip of her grape juice and boy, let me tell you what, that was the foulest tasting stuff to ever hit my lips (or at least as bad as the Tabasco Sauce Dad tricked me into tasting). It's like the grapes had been left out and turned to gasoline or something. I clearly let them know by the look on my face that I'll be having no more of that stuff.

Finally, there was a strange lady sitting right behind me. She kept tapping me on the shoulder. She tried to get one of my fries. She even tried to get me to take a sip of whatever she was drinking...and I don't know what she was drinking to think it was alright to try and take my food or offer me her drink. People!